we have officially lost it.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
