i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
