I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
