U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
