i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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