There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Shame - the story of my life.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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