I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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