Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
