Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
