I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
