my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
