Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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