So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
