He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You took a bar mat shot.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
