I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
