the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
