When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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