shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
