i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
