Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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