May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
