I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
