Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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