dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
