If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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