I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
