Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just pee around me
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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