how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize