I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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