She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
