someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
