So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
