i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My ATM looks so different sober.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
