Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just gift wrapped bread.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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