saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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