At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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