I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
