I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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