After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
