the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
