You really coming over, don't trick.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
