you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
