Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
