Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
