Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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