So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize