Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
