I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize