Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
