Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The best revenge is premature balding
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
