as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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