my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
