I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
