i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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