this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
