My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
