come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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