He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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