Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
