She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize