I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
