He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
