Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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