A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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