yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We got so high we made milksteak
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
