Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
