I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
